It’s that time of year, ESC fans! We are taking a look at the Eurovision Class of 2024. I’m doing things a little differently this year in that I will be giving each act a letter grade from A to F. These grades will be made on a curve, mostly due to the fact that I’m too nice to outright give someone an F. I just don’t believe in calling a song absolute garbage. Without further ado, let’s listen to SABA (Denmark), Windows95man (Finland), Slimane (France), Hera Björk (Iceland), Natalia Barbu (Moldova), Gåte (Norway), and Marcus & Martinus (Sweden).
SABA – SAND
First of all, SABA has a wonderful voice. While I’m no vocal expert, I get the feeling that she delivered every lyric with the perfect amount of power. She also sounds exactly like she does in the studio version. SABA sings about a relationship with a rocky foundation not unlike a sand castle. She employs this analogy throughout the song, with memories being thrown in the air, the feeling of breathing underwater, and the relationship “slipping through [her] hands.” One thing I want to point out is the use of couplets in the verses. With couplets, you have to be careful that you don’t lose momentum or tension in the lines. In the case of “SAND,” I would say that it works because there is a sense of “that was then, this is now” that SABA tries to convey within each couplet.
Grade: B
Windows95man – No Rules!
He had me at “My name is Windows.” I’ve been hearing a lot of eurodance this year. While this type of music isn’t generally my thing, I can see why people get hype to this fast-tempo throwback genre. The “I’m not wearing any pants” gimmick will certainly be a hoot. But let’s get back to the music. I think my favourite part of this song and the thing that made me laugh the most was the use of the bald eagle screech to represent freedom (and America?). The song liberally breaks every good songwriting rule, which is most likely the point. Rhymes that are too simple, lyrics that are too vague, many meaningless buzzwords… you name it, this song has it. I feel bad grading this song so harshly. But then again, maybe Windows95man would appreciate my honesty. Let’s just say the F stands for Finland.
Grade: F
Slimane – Mon amour
It’s clear that Slimane’s powerful voice is the focal point of this song rather than the music. I mean, did you see the spit shower coming out of him? I imagine that his live performance will look somewhat like the official music video, disco ball shirt and all. Nice and simple… but perhaps too simple? Don’t get me wrong, sometimes simple is good but compared to “Évidemment,” this song leaves a bit too much to the imagination. The lyrics lack detail and come off as generic. On top of that, the rhyme scheme doesn’t allow for a lot of forward momentum. This is similar to what I was saying about SABA and the couplets in “SAND.” In fact, my favourite lyrics are the ones in the chorus: “Mais c’est toujours la même fin qui recommence / Tu n’entends pas / Ma peine…” because of how the suspense builds. I’m unsure how he will do in the finals, but I wish Slimane the best.
Grade: C
Hera Björk – Scared of Heights
This song puts me in a good mood. The lyrics are really cute, if not a little depressing for such a happy song. Also, this is kinda random, but Hera Björk’s song reminded me of “All Out Of Luck” by Selma Björnsdóttir. I get a sense of nostalgia listening to the instrumentation. It’s almost as if this song came out in 2014, not 2024. In fact, I feel like if they had brought it further back and made it sound even less modern, it would have had a greater effect. Like… 1994? Still, I wish Iceland the best of luck in the competition.
Grade: B
Natalia Barbu – In The Middle
Two mics, a violin bow hiding behind someone’s back, and clapping. Moldova definitely makes Eurovision interesting. The performance left much to be desired, however. For one thing, the staging was so distracting that I couldn’t focus on the song. Another thing was that I expected to hear resonance in Natalia Barbu’s voice or the clapping or the violins, but I didn’t hear any at all. I also side-eyed the violins because they sounded fake. I consulted the studio version to hear what the performance was supposed to sound like. There was a slight improvement in that I actually paid attention to the song this time. The lyrics were alright, but nothing in particular grabbed me. The biggest disappointment, though, was that the violins still sounded fake. They were too synchronised like someone playing a MIDI instrument. Maybe the audience will buy into the performance, but I just can’t ignore it.
Grade: D
Gåte – Ulveham
Watching Gåte perform reminded me of maNga. I don’t think I’ve seen a band with so much spectacle in a long time. I was trying to focus on the lead singer, but I was distracted by the guitar player swinging his guitar around by the strap and throwing it high in the air. It was both entertaining and nerve-wracking. I wanted to focus more on the song itself, so I also checked out the studio version. Gunnhild Sundli has a light, melismatic, and captivating voice. However, it was overpowered by the heaviness of the instrumentation. She was like a single cherry on a rich and decadent Black Forest cake. Furthermore, the mixing of the song itself needed more differentiation as the instruments sounded a little murky.
Grade: C
Marcus & Martinus – Unforgettable
Evaluating Sweden’s entry was kinda tough. The boys are talented, the music is interesting, the lyrics are fine… but something just wasn’t clicking. First of all, their singing (I honestly couldn’t tell who was singing) was definitely giving 90s heartthrob vibes. They reminded me of Chris Brown at times. I also love the beat that kicks in around the second verse. The synth sounds they chose were perhaps a little jarring to my ears, but not to the point of being intolerable. I think the song suffers from a lack of focus. The singing and the music are both competing for my attention, making it hard to retain either of them.
Grade: C
Check out these acts and the rest of the competitors here.